White Elephant

If revenge is a dish that best served cold, then regret is a room full of half-opened flatpack items. Flatpack rates highly on my list of "sucky things about modern life" (modsuck: verb, "Blackberries have modsucked my life"). What? Modern life sucks? If you disagree, please press 1.

Why do I continually find myself holding the ubiquitous allen-key, staring dumbly at brazenly vague instructions, head throbbing uncontrollably. Well, the hangover is a dead-giveaway, highlighting a second scourge of modern-life: drunk online shopping (DOS). Suddenly all those shiny things seems so much nicer. Not that DOS is wrong per se, but when the result is flatpack...

So here's my suggestion, patent pending: someone somewhere should invent a USB-based breathalizer and link it directly to an ewallet, or better still integrate it with Amazon 1-click. Want to buy that nice shiny thing? Just blow in here. Sorry not tonight sir.